Anarchy

Apart of me is an anarchist. This part of me is persuaded that humanity succeeds only when we acknowledge that our love for (including obedience to) our Creator is entirely up to us. So, therefore, hierarchy of rules and regulations are only a bandaid until this self-inflicted wound heals and the scars remind us not to be unfaithful to our Creator.

This is not accurate as to what I ultimately believe, nor would I teach this to my children. But, if I'm being honest, those thoughts and feelings cross my mind from time to time.

So today I had an epiphany about how that, simply, may not be true.

One of the most fascinating things, to me, about life is how my philosophies - no matter how, seemingly, sound and time tested they are - derail from what is actually true.

What I mean to say is that the epiphany that I encountered has indicated to me that we may actually be designed to be controlled, regulated, "bossed around", etc...

Let me give a few examples:

Staff
If you don't already know, I own and manage a small marketing firm that specializes in internet marketing (website design and development, search engine optimization, WordPress plugin development, etc...), and I have some staff that work for me completing the tasks I assign to them. While my staff is very skilled, respectful and reliable, they're occasionally insubordinate. And when they are, I've tried to reason with them, to help them understand my reasons.

Growing up, many of my teachers (in school and in life) chose to test my knowledge rather than educate my mind. Leaving me with a low GPA and a variety of "learning disabilities". This was aggravating and made me feel helpless. Since then I vowed to give understanding, liberally, to anyone who was willing to accept it.

But I have one staff member who really "soaks up" that "understanding". And it costs me a pretty penny. In fact, it consumes so much time, on occasion, that the work at hand doesn't get completed and the project comes toppling down leaving me holding the bill.

This had gone on so long that I was literally running out of money as a result of falling behind on projects. So I had to choose to either lay off my staff, or candidly tell them I wasn't willing to discuss the topic(s) with them until the task was complete.

Children
I, currently, have two children. And before my son, Owen, was a year old we hadn't really needed to discipline him. Around that time he adopted screaming as a pass time to entertain himself and communicate to us. As you can imagine it's really fun for everyone who listens to it, but something inside us said that it had to stop. Yes, I'm kidding, that thing inside us was actually our sleep deprived consciousness begging for mercy.

So we diligently disciplined him in that area and everything we tried failed. As a last resort we chose to spank him. Apart from it being the worst decision I've made as a parent thus far, after about five days of doing it when he screamed (of course after we told him to stop first), he stopped.

Communities
Recently I posted a reply to someone's feature request for an application we contribute to the development of. I attempted to discourage the development of the feature by stating some subtle facts that the supporters may not have considered. But shortly after I started receiving responses from new people into the conversation challenging my explanation. But what I thought was a technical conversation quickly turned into a blatantly inconsiderate and offense series of comments about how I was arrogant and ignorant.

I was, almost, completely overcome with anger from the pain their words caused me and equally aggravated by, what I perceived as, their ignorance to my posts. Though, I gave a final response I considered why their words hurt and aggravated me so much. They don't know me, I don't believe what the said is true, their opinions weren't enough to affect the goal that my staff and I were trying to reach, so why did that get under my skin?

That was when I started thinking about all of this, and how no matter how many times I choose to trust a group of people to do the right thing, we all seem to stray if we're given freedom for long enough.



All in all, I want to believe that if authority gives it's subjects the freedom to recognize the consequences of their own actions, then their subjects will, surely, come around; in due time. But, unfortunately, I've yet to see that! In fact, I've only witnessed the opposite.

So this life-long philosophy I've maintained is, bitter sweetly, bowing to, what appears to be, the simple fact we're not designed to be free. Rather, we're slaves designed to be controlled. And, lucky for us, humanity's ultimate authority is Jesus.

What I'm Doing About It

I'm definitely bipolar. Edit: A few people have mentioned to me that bipolar was the wrong word to describe myself, so I'd like to replace that word with "moody".

I'm not persuaded that is much more than a behavioral condition (at least in my case), but, in recent years, I've found my physical and mental state fluctuating more frequently than is normal.

Today I was listening to this message from a man named Bob Goff. In it he encouraged his listeners to do what they already know they should do to maintain a clear relationship with our Creator. And so this article is a reminder to myself of some important things that I know need to change so I can stop feeling like I don't know about so many other important things.

When I was 15, I decided to follow Jesus and his teachings in the Scriptures because I was convinced that we're created and that our Creator is passionately interested in us in the most benevolent way possible. As an immediate and direct result I found myself overcome with a consistent and inexplicable joy.

At 21, I slammed into depression that brought me to a cliff that I wouldn't have come back from. Emptiness and hopelessness remained my closest companion until, I believe, our Creator quietly and humbly intervened. And since then I've continue to find those obnoxious companions revisiting me at every opportunity, though less and less frequently.

Bob's right; I need to eliminate absolutely everything that stands in my way of a completely loving relationship with our Creator. Then I need to adopt absolutely everything that I'm certain will draw me closer to our Creator. Of course neither of these are things I can achieve, perfectly, without the same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead existing within me.

So, through Christ who strengthens me, this entry is a reminder to myself, and hopefully encouragement to others, of what I know I can do to get back to that place and leave this bipolar perspective behind me:

1. Control my mind. Yeah, I know, this is broad, but I'm deliberately being vague because the simple fact is that I allow my mind to wander and it develops into complete lack of self control that hurts me and everyone around me. Like a plant, if the seed doesn't hit the soil, nothing is going to grow.
2. Prioritizing a schedule above all else so that I'll develop greater self control which can be used to obey God.
1. Reading the Scriptures and praying at least twice a day (during breakfast and after dinner). I'd like to read through the various genre's of Scripture as well (Law, OT History, Wisdom, Major and Minor Prophets, NT History and Letters).
2. Resting (sleeping, eating, meditating)
3. Rejuvenating (playing, travelling, creative)

The things I'm getting rid of are up to me, but the things I'm going to take up involve everyone I know starting with my wife and children, then my extended family, and finally my friends.

This isn't intended to be a new life-philosophy, but a form of correction so that I'll outpace those nasty companions I mentioned so that I might fully experience our Creator, now.

Check Your Brain at the Door

One of the men whom I respect the most in m life considers himself an amateur historian and professional teacher of the Scriptures. I would consider him a respectable historian and a skilled teacher of the Scriptures but an amateur philosopher.

Recently, I heard him emphasize that he believes (as I understood it) it's best for churches to teach, strictly, through the Scriptures page by page. He, often, suggests that when churches don't do this they are at risk of straying from God.

I've witnessed that happening before, unquestionably. Churches teaching "self help" philosophies without opening the Scriptures even once in a gathering or mentioning the name of Jesus. It's incredible in the worst way.

On the other hand, to teach that the method he mentioned is somehow the Biblical model, is simply false. I should note that the phrase "Biblical model" is also an incredibly generic phrase, but humor me for now.

Let me give an example of how I concluded this... Christians commonly study the New Testament, which is a collection of, primarily, letters from witnesses of Jesus to believers and unbelievers across the Mediterranean. And when I read them, I find the messages that the authors are repeating to them is not a page-by-page study of the Old Testament, rather its a very current exhortation and commandment to that particular group of people that is respective to their particular needs.

One of my greatest concerns for my generation is how we accept single interpretations of the Holy, Creator inspired, Words of the Scriptures when our brain and senses indict it with a warning to us that something is off.

The pastor I'm referring to is trustworthy, someone I still consider my mentor and trust as much as I can trust any teacher I've had. So please know that I'm simply challenging this single thing I've heard them teach. But I'll pray and hope that you and I will not let our brains fall out when we read the Scriptures because ... Yes... I believe God has given us the Scriptures... But ... He also gave us a brain!