Death

I've heard that the chemical that creates, what we call, stress is what triggers our bodies decay. Without it, theoretically; it is my understand that we'd live forever.

If that's true, then finding a solution to eliminate stress would mean that we could live forever. Theoretically. So what causes stress in your live? Finances? Marriage? Relationships? Pain?

For me, it's all of the above. But I discovered one thing they all share in common: time.

• I get stressed about my finances because I have upcoming bills. Therefore, without money I can't pay them. It creates stress.
• I get frustrated with my wife when we disagree on something. If we only had more time to discuss it, practice it and work through it; then our kids would be better off and we'd be a better example to others and enjoy our marriage more. It creates stress.
• If I had more time to work out and prepare really good quality meals from my own garden or a community garden then my body pains would go away.

The bottom line of stress (as far as I can see) is the fact we have a limited amount of time...

So what happens when we run out of time?

Death.

Which brings me back to my knowledge and experience of Jesus. More specifically, his outrageous promise of eternal life through resurrection.

Having swung between living guided by my emotion; to living guided by my mind; over the years I've been shocked at how, no matter which side of the pendulum I'm flying towards, I am increasingly astounded by the _fill in the blank yourself because I can't think of a word that sufficiently glorifies_ of the story of Jesus. So much so that it's existence is simply enough for me to believe it's true even without reasonable evidence and proof that it actually happened.

Jesus, who is God, insured us against death. If you believe the story of Jesus is true then you must accept the reality that God will resurrect you, or keep you entirely, from death.

Which raises an even more enjoyable question: how will this change the way that person lives?

Bible Verses I "Disagree" With (Facetious)

The following article is an ongoing collection of passages from the Bible that I disagree with. The point of this compilation isn't simply to air my opinion; rather it is to confirm whether or not my intuition against them is in accordance with reality. And if they are, further evaluate their impact on my philosophy and, therefore, the way I live and teach others to live.

It has been my experience, however, that if I disagree with a passage from the Bible it's simply because I didn't have the context. Once it's put in that context, I find that I no longer disagree. So my title is intended to be facetious.

I encourage comments on this article in the form of verses you disagree with (and an explanation of why) as well as considerate and authentic responses that may help me (and others who read this) adequately adjust their opinions to be in accordance with what is reality (verifiably true).

Romans 13:1-7

"Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience. ..."

Authority, as defined by Webster's "the power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience". I would not accept Hitler's authority as authority "from God". And there is no possibility that our creator has appointed every leader without violating his own nature which would seem to make the existence of God, then, impossible. The only condition in which I can foresee myself accepting this passage as true is if the author is assuming that the authority is submitting themselves to God as their authority at all times. Which really isn't possible unless, of course, their assuming forgiveness from God by Christ. But even salvation doesn't guarantee righteous behavior moving forward (in this life).

The only way this verse seems true is if the author is making the assumption that you're omitting authorities that are clearly wicked (Nero, Hitler, etc...). But he clearly states "all", so I find that a hard pressed argument to make. It seems much easier to assume he's expecting you would be a reasonable person and respect authority, generally speaking, and - of course - rebel against people who are a clear threat to God's kingdom established on earth.

Furthermore; I understand that the people he was writing to were under the authority of Nero. Ugh! Nasty guy.

I think this a prime example of when we accept a man's words as God's when they are not. And it's our faith in God (essentially his character) that screams "No! I will not lend myself (faith) to you on this matter. It's simply not true!" which is the only way we accept someone's words (including words in the Bible) as equivalent to the Word of God.

Missing Citations

These are items that I can't cite but I recall reading or hearing. I intend to cite them and respond to them accordingly but anyone reading this should not challenge me about them because I don't actually know whether or not their even in the Bible and I'm not building a case for or against them in any way until I have.

• Proverb that says "Those who obey God's commands will not be hurt." If this is intended to be taken literally, as God's word, it's clearly debunked and it would make God a liar. I think this is another piece of evidence that the Bible is not equivalent to, nor intended to be accepted as; the Word of God.

A Logical Exploration of Our Existence

When our brains recognize something to be inconsistent with reality, it's designed to "sound alarms", if you will (unless you suffer from mental illness like Schizophrenia). As a result our brain either chooses to enact the rest of our body to respond to it... or... to simply ignore it.

Ironically, our brain doesn't let us forget it despite our ignorance. The consequences of our ignorance is not confined to our brain either; it's manifested in any number of ways in our physical being, the physical being of others, and the general existence around us.

I, recently, shared with my wife that there is a fundamental part of my being that is, simply, dissatisfied. I don't know what that part is or why I feel that way.

I can, clearly, recall extended periods of time in my life where I did not feel this way. I've changed my diet, sleeping schedule, work hours, etc... and seen a variety of improvements in my physiological and mental health, but no matter what I do this sense of dissatisfaction haunts me at it's leisure.

Because of this experience, and those I know who share it, I've chosen to publicize my personal exploration of why I feel this way in hopes that I can identify the reason and obtain complete and permanent satisfaction. I understand that some may believe I'm assuming I'm deserving of complete and permanent satisfaction, to which I would respond by asking "What would lead you to believe we aren't?" But please don't mistake that for an unwillingness to acknowledge that it may be achievable nor do I, necessarily, believe it is the "point of life", per say.

I have one request of my readers though; it is that you would know that this document is intended to be in accordance with reality (meaning my questions and answers should be verifiably true - fact not opinion). So, should you notice that something that you can prove is false, believe is not entirely accurate or is poorly phrased: I welcome your comments so that I can respond and possibly revise this document to be completely true and unbiased in every way.


So without further ado:

To locate the origin of my persistent dissatisfaction; it would seem that starting with the reality of my existence is the most adequate starting place:

1. Why do I exist?
Because I am the product of something that proceeded me. Since this is true of everything before me, as well, then, it would seem, that there is no possibility, within my experience of reality, that I cannot be proceeded by something.

2. What do I exist for?
In the simplest form; for whatever that predecessor desires/d.

3. Who or what is this predecessor?
It seems to be metaphysical (in the strictest scientific definition of the word that would mean it's simply in a space we cannot fully comprehend or experience, at least, in our present human form). As the product of this creator, we know that nothing could exist without it, therefore everything that exists pre-existed within it first, in some form. In other words, humans are cognoscente, so the creator, too, must possess some sort of cogniscience. Humans experience community, so it too must possess some form of community within itself. Etc...

4. Should I communicate with this creator? And does it want to communicate with me?
If the second question is true then we must communicate with it, or it with us, to know it's will. Which seems like a logical question and desire? Since we see that all beings must communicate mutually, that becomes evidence (not fact) that we are designed to communicate, mutually, with our creator as well. Therefore, if all we are, and could seek, is possessed by this creator and shared with us at it's discretion then we can conclude we should conscientiously (intentionally) communicate, and attempt to communicate, with our creator.

5. How do I communicate with this being?
Since we could not come into existence without this being, it seems that every part of our being is connected to, or in communication with, that creator. Meaning, also, that there is no separation from it without ceasing to exist. This evidence suggests that we are currently equipped to communicate with it by whatever way is native to us. This would include speaking, writing, singing or making melody, thought, physical demonstration, and presumably, possibly; more.

6. How will this being communicate with me?
Referring to the previous question, if our existence is completely integral with our creator then it's equally likely that it communicates to us by wielding any and every aspect of existence to do so (since we have not confirmed whether or not it exists in the form of a human or any other living creature that is capable of communicating in the common ways we are accustomed to). It may also be able to communicate in more ways if it is truly metaphysical in the loosest sense of the word. Again this could come in the form of communication through a physical person, but could extend to controlling reality itself in infinite ways (from our perspective).

7. How can I confirm that this being communicated with me?
Since there, appears, to be infinite ways this being can communicate with us it would seem that our being (maybe our brain?) must obtain faith as a result of any communications to act as evidence of that communication. Faith, according to Webster's, is a feeling of confidence in someone or something.

8. How does this relate to my being obtaining complete and permanent satisfaction?
If I should lack anything, I may be able to obtain it through the physical world without cognoscente (knowing or intentional) attempts to communicate with the creator. But if I cannot obtain it without cogniscience, as I feel I experience presently, this rationale reveals that I can obtain it if the creator wills it to me. Therefore I must seek and communicate with that creator to present my request to be satisfied (in any way whether it's mental, physiological, financial, etc...). To which it may, or may not, respond. Possibly with requests of it's own, which I must fulfill prior to obtaining that satisfaction (though that's speculation, not fact).

9. What do we know about this creator? For example, is it personable or pantheistic?
This question isn't, necessarily, required to answer my original question about why I feel dissatisfied. But in light of how the questions and answers have developed I think it add's value to this entry to explore it.

The conclusions above, if true, dictates that this creator is both personable and pantheistic. Everything in existence was created by it and cannot exist apart from it (typical pantheistic view). Yet it has also chosen to share this existence with us even as we're apart of it. And, interestingly, with what was given to me by this existence, I was made capable to willingly judge it as immeasurably gracious, to say the least. This is because of the many experiences I have that bring me satisfaction in the form of happiness, joy, chocolate, and more...

10. Am I satisfied now?
At the beginning of the writing of this article: no. At this very moment: yes.

I suppose that means I am in accordance with reality and have, in some way, sought and communicated with this creator, thus fulfilling it's own will, because I feel completely satisfied (in mind and body).

If I don't feel satisfied then this logical exploration dictates that I am not fulfilling the will of our creator. So to re-obtain it I must seek and fulfill it's will, first. Though it may choose to give to me freely and without requiring that of me (most certainly).

Are you satisfied?



If I may, now, pair this exploration with my personal opinion I'd like to indict you to consider that this creator may have, in fact, communicated with us in the form of a human during the end of the last century BC/BCE (I don't care what you call it, I just say both so as not to indicate a bias or concern of either).

1. The Bible tells us that we were created.
2. It says that our ancestors chose to ignore the will of the creator which introduced some sort of separation between humanity (possibly all of existence) and it's creator.
3. The creator desired to redeem this incident because the cost to re-seam that separation was beyond what our ancestors obtained, or even could obtain. I don't know why the cost was so great though, but if it's true that separation from our creator means ceasing to exist then maybe it's because the creator knows that if we cease to exist we cannot pay the debt. Meaning if we don't heed the will of the creator, we cease to exist, and something that ceases to exist cannot redeem itself obviously. But why was a single act of disobedience resulting, ultimately, in ceasing to exist? See this article I wrote, in the end of it I elaborate on why a single act of disobedience results in  ultimate death.
4. So the creator became like a person and suffered, with us, until a moment where his own human death made it possible for him to fund the repair from his own resources (whatever they are).
5. This act, somehow (frankly I don't care how, nor do I find it detrimental or necessary for my existence to know - if you do please explain why in a comment), redeemed the separation and brought humanity back to the place where it must choose, again, to heed to the will of the creator.

I bring this up because the books of the Bible have changed my life. And if you're reading this, it's possible you're dissatisfied in some part of your being. So, for me, the story of Jesus that is told in these books has enabled me to, more easily, obtain complete satisfaction. Which is followed by so much more, such as peace and joy, excitement and right-ness in my behavior.

I've discovered that there is valid, verifiable, historicity to these books, but that's not why I trust them. Rather, it's the impact they've had on my experience of reality. It's birthed and matured my trust in them and, ultimately, my desire to follow Jesus as he, the creator himself, demonstrated what life in communication with our creator looks like.

Kookie

Written to the song "You Have Won Me" by Bethel, Featuring Brian Johnson.

I had a dream last night about my wife. We we're meeting for the first time in at some retreat in southern Oregon. As you would expect, I only remember bits and pieces. But I remember one thing very clearly, the passionate interest and most genuine excitement I felt and saw returned on my wife's face.

When I woke up, I was overpowered with these feelings. Though, as I realized it was a dream I felt a sense of displacement, a sense of cold. Immediately I thought "Is this because this feeling is missing from my marriage?" Thankfully, the answer is no. Especially lately, we've really been the closest we've ever been. Right after that moment, I started to remember too many times where I've experienced this feeling, so I tried to recall it's rebuttal.

I had a previous, lengthy, romance with another woman but, eventually, I ruined the relationship with my selfishness and when I suffered the brokenness from it I discovered the passionate interest and excitement had been misplaced all along.

Romance was the right place for me to put those feelings and make that investment... But, it was with whom the romance was shared that was the problem. I think I've learned that that displacement and cold sense I experience when awaking to reality is like a calling. A call to seek and worship our Creator.

Shortly after this thought I chose to continue reading Mark chapter 5, which is apart of a schedule I've adopted to read through the New Testament. I felt like I was "mining" the Scriptures this morning. Laboring to find something to align the displacement, reignite the pilot. I found passages that I've read times before so I finished the chapter and moped around a bit.

Then I put on the Bethel song I mentioned above. If you watch the music video, you'll quickly discover they're a bunch of kookie Christians. And as embarrassing as it may be, sometimes, to associate yourself with people who act like that: I still love it.

I don't know if you've ever sung with a group of people to our creator before, but it's really special. I don't know how to describe it fully. It's like everything comes together in one... massive... perfect... universally recognized... moment of Life complete. Like the most perfect breath of fresh air. As a result you have no reservation toward your behavior except to dance, or something.

Anyway, I put that song on my speakers this morning and let it fill my house. Soon, after a few times of listening and singing to the song, I remembered what I read in Mark. How Jesus brought a little girl back to life and "... Jesus gave them strict orders not to tell anyone..." ~ Mark 5:43 - yet - it seems like every time Jesus says this people do the exact opposite. They go out and "... tell everyone the great things Jesus had done for him; and everyone was amazed at what he told them." ~ Mark 5:20

I don't really have much knowledge as to why Jesus told people not to tell anyone about what he did. But I'm sure if I sought out the answer it would end up like every other time I've sought out the answer to questions that provoked doubt and disbelief in me about Jesus and the Scriptures: "... and Spencer was amazed at what He told him."

Spread the Good News about God today. Who he is, his nature and character. Then watch people act a little kookie with amazement at what God has done.

Anarchy

Apart of me is an anarchist. This part of me is persuaded that humanity succeeds only when we acknowledge that our love for (including obedience to) our Creator is entirely up to us. So, therefore, hierarchy of rules and regulations are only a bandaid until this self-inflicted wound heals and the scars remind us not to be unfaithful to our Creator.

This is not accurate as to what I ultimately believe, nor would I teach this to my children. But, if I'm being honest, those thoughts and feelings cross my mind from time to time.

So today I had an epiphany about how that, simply, may not be true.

One of the most fascinating things, to me, about life is how my philosophies - no matter how, seemingly, sound and time tested they are - derail from what is actually true.

What I mean to say is that the epiphany that I encountered has indicated to me that we may actually be designed to be controlled, regulated, "bossed around", etc...

Let me give a few examples:

Staff
If you don't already know, I own and manage a small marketing firm that specializes in internet marketing (website design and development, search engine optimization, WordPress plugin development, etc...), and I have some staff that work for me completing the tasks I assign to them. While my staff is very skilled, respectful and reliable, they're occasionally insubordinate. And when they are, I've tried to reason with them, to help them understand my reasons.

Growing up, many of my teachers (in school and in life) chose to test my knowledge rather than educate my mind. Leaving me with a low GPA and a variety of "learning disabilities". This was aggravating and made me feel helpless. Since then I vowed to give understanding, liberally, to anyone who was willing to accept it.

But I have one staff member who really "soaks up" that "understanding". And it costs me a pretty penny. In fact, it consumes so much time, on occasion, that the work at hand doesn't get completed and the project comes toppling down leaving me holding the bill.

This had gone on so long that I was literally running out of money as a result of falling behind on projects. So I had to choose to either lay off my staff, or candidly tell them I wasn't willing to discuss the topic(s) with them until the task was complete.

Children
I, currently, have two children. And before my son, Owen, was a year old we hadn't really needed to discipline him. Around that time he adopted screaming as a pass time to entertain himself and communicate to us. As you can imagine it's really fun for everyone who listens to it, but something inside us said that it had to stop. Yes, I'm kidding, that thing inside us was actually our sleep deprived consciousness begging for mercy.

So we diligently disciplined him in that area and everything we tried failed. As a last resort we chose to spank him. Apart from it being the worst decision I've made as a parent thus far, after about five days of doing it when he screamed (of course after we told him to stop first), he stopped.

Communities
Recently I posted a reply to someone's feature request for an application we contribute to the development of. I attempted to discourage the development of the feature by stating some subtle facts that the supporters may not have considered. But shortly after I started receiving responses from new people into the conversation challenging my explanation. But what I thought was a technical conversation quickly turned into a blatantly inconsiderate and offense series of comments about how I was arrogant and ignorant.

I was, almost, completely overcome with anger from the pain their words caused me and equally aggravated by, what I perceived as, their ignorance to my posts. Though, I gave a final response I considered why their words hurt and aggravated me so much. They don't know me, I don't believe what the said is true, their opinions weren't enough to affect the goal that my staff and I were trying to reach, so why did that get under my skin?

That was when I started thinking about all of this, and how no matter how many times I choose to trust a group of people to do the right thing, we all seem to stray if we're given freedom for long enough.



All in all, I want to believe that if authority gives it's subjects the freedom to recognize the consequences of their own actions, then their subjects will, surely, come around; in due time. But, unfortunately, I've yet to see that! In fact, I've only witnessed the opposite.

So this life-long philosophy I've maintained is, bitter sweetly, bowing to, what appears to be, the simple fact we're not designed to be free. Rather, we're slaves designed to be controlled. And, lucky for us, humanity's ultimate authority is Jesus.

What I'm Doing About It

I'm definitely bipolar. Edit: A few people have mentioned to me that bipolar was the wrong word to describe myself, so I'd like to replace that word with "moody".

I'm not persuaded that is much more than a behavioral condition (at least in my case), but, in recent years, I've found my physical and mental state fluctuating more frequently than is normal.

Today I was listening to this message from a man named Bob Goff. In it he encouraged his listeners to do what they already know they should do to maintain a clear relationship with our Creator. And so this article is a reminder to myself of some important things that I know need to change so I can stop feeling like I don't know about so many other important things.

When I was 15, I decided to follow Jesus and his teachings in the Scriptures because I was convinced that we're created and that our Creator is passionately interested in us in the most benevolent way possible. As an immediate and direct result I found myself overcome with a consistent and inexplicable joy.

At 21, I slammed into depression that brought me to a cliff that I wouldn't have come back from. Emptiness and hopelessness remained my closest companion until, I believe, our Creator quietly and humbly intervened. And since then I've continue to find those obnoxious companions revisiting me at every opportunity, though less and less frequently.

Bob's right; I need to eliminate absolutely everything that stands in my way of a completely loving relationship with our Creator. Then I need to adopt absolutely everything that I'm certain will draw me closer to our Creator. Of course neither of these are things I can achieve, perfectly, without the same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead existing within me.

So, through Christ who strengthens me, this entry is a reminder to myself, and hopefully encouragement to others, of what I know I can do to get back to that place and leave this bipolar perspective behind me:

1. Control my mind. Yeah, I know, this is broad, but I'm deliberately being vague because the simple fact is that I allow my mind to wander and it develops into complete lack of self control that hurts me and everyone around me. Like a plant, if the seed doesn't hit the soil, nothing is going to grow.
2. Prioritizing a schedule above all else so that I'll develop greater self control which can be used to obey God.
1. Reading the Scriptures and praying at least twice a day (during breakfast and after dinner). I'd like to read through the various genre's of Scripture as well (Law, OT History, Wisdom, Major and Minor Prophets, NT History and Letters).
2. Resting (sleeping, eating, meditating)
3. Rejuvenating (playing, travelling, creative)

The things I'm getting rid of are up to me, but the things I'm going to take up involve everyone I know starting with my wife and children, then my extended family, and finally my friends.

This isn't intended to be a new life-philosophy, but a form of correction so that I'll outpace those nasty companions I mentioned so that I might fully experience our Creator, now.

Check Your Brain at the Door

One of the men whom I respect the most in m life considers himself an amateur historian and professional teacher of the Scriptures. I would consider him a respectable historian and a skilled teacher of the Scriptures but an amateur philosopher.

Recently, I heard him emphasize that he believes (as I understood it) it's best for churches to teach, strictly, through the Scriptures page by page. He, often, suggests that when churches don't do this they are at risk of straying from God.

I've witnessed that happening before, unquestionably. Churches teaching "self help" philosophies without opening the Scriptures even once in a gathering or mentioning the name of Jesus. It's incredible in the worst way.

On the other hand, to teach that the method he mentioned is somehow the Biblical model, is simply false. I should note that the phrase "Biblical model" is also an incredibly generic phrase, but humor me for now.

Let me give an example of how I concluded this... Christians commonly study the New Testament, which is a collection of, primarily, letters from witnesses of Jesus to believers and unbelievers across the Mediterranean. And when I read them, I find the messages that the authors are repeating to them is not a page-by-page study of the Old Testament, rather its a very current exhortation and commandment to that particular group of people that is respective to their particular needs.

One of my greatest concerns for my generation is how we accept single interpretations of the Holy, Creator inspired, Words of the Scriptures when our brain and senses indict it with a warning to us that something is off.

The pastor I'm referring to is trustworthy, someone I still consider my mentor and trust as much as I can trust any teacher I've had. So please know that I'm simply challenging this single thing I've heard them teach. But I'll pray and hope that you and I will not let our brains fall out when we read the Scriptures because ... Yes... I believe God has given us the Scriptures... But ... He also gave us a brain!